How Technology Fuels Social Fears - Sarah Cosway
The digital age amplifying modern anxiety
Have you ever posted something online - a comment, a photo, or a status update - only to immediately overthink it, as if the digital world is silently judging you in real-time?
In this age of instant messaging and social media, it can feel like the whole world is watching, judging, and remembering every little thing you put out there—but perhaps the reality is that no one’s probably even given it a second thought.
How about meeting someone new online, and instead of saying ‘Nice to meet you,’ you clam up and your brain screams, ‘Don’t embarrass yourself’. All of a sudden, making small talk is about as easy as navigating a minefield blindfolded…every word having the potential for detonation and blowing up any chances of making a good impression.
Some people might think that social anxiety is just ‘being shy’, but if you’ve ever cancelled plans because the thought of interacting with people felt unbearable (even those you’ve met before), then you know it’s much more than that!
But why do we worry so much about what other people might be thinking about us, and why does it make us so anxious in this day and age?
The answer has its roots in our evolutionary past - social anxiety is not a character flaw but can be understood as an evolutionary adaptation that hasn’t kept pace with the rapidly changing world that we live in.
The Roots of Social Anxiety: A Survival Instinct Gone Awry
Human beings have been wandering about the planet for millennia, but all the trappings of modern life that we currently enjoy have only been around for the equivalent of a blink of an eye in all that time.
Think about how technology has changed in your own lifetime - when I was a child, mobile phones and video calls were the stuff of science fiction movies. The internet didn’t exist…a trip to the library for research was required if you wanted to know something, and you had to hope the encyclopedia wasn’t already checked out.
Now, with technology advancing faster than we can keep up, our biology—shaped over millions of years—has remained virtually the same, struggling to keep pace with the ever-changing world we’re creating.
For most of the time that people have existed, we have lived a hunter-gatherer lifestyle in small, tight-knit communities. Our biology has been optimised by evolution to live in that way…even if it might not feel like it when we’re lost out in the woods.
If we could jump in a time machine, go back to paleolithic times, and kidnap an ancestor to bring them back to now (ignoring the ethical considerations - it’s a thought experiment!), once they got over the culture shock, they would have the intellectual capability of learning to use our modern day technology.
Evolution occurs over such long timescales, our biology remains largely adapted to a pre-agricultural world - essentially, we are Stone Age people living in this high-tech world.
But what’s this got to do with social anxiety?
If we think about how dangerous daily life was for our ancestors, it becomes clear why living within a cooperative and mutually supportive social group was essential for survival.
Social cohesion and status weren’t just desirable—they were vital!
Fear of judgment or rejection was a helpful mechanism for avoiding exclusion from the group - safety in numbers…an isolated individual is far more vulnerable than one within a collective.
However, we no longer live in such dangerous times, even though it might not feel that way whenever we turn on the TV…and therein lies one of the culprits in the problem - our digital window on the world.
While our ancestors relied on their instincts to stay alive, today, those same survival mechanisms can be overstimulated in this world that is so strongly shaped by technology.
Why Social Media Feels Like a Minefield
On some level, our Stone Age brains struggle to understand this modern technological world and are overwhelmed by the constant exposure to digital interactions, where every word and image that we share can be scrutinised, dissected, and shared with an audience far larger than what we were ever biologically prepared for.
In the 1990s, British anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed a theory correlating primate brain size and social group size.
He concluded that humans can effectively maintain a social network of up to 150 meaningful relationships, including acquaintances, without exceeding our cognitive limits. Beyond this threshold, maintaining stable interactions becomes increasingly challenging, and can often lead to social fragmentation.
Now think about how many contacts you’ve got across the various different social media platforms that you use…my guess is that it will come in at far more than 150!
Social media platforms’ ability to facilitate interactions with potentially thousands of people inflates our perceived social circles and fosters a culture of comparison, where snapshots of other people’s lives can lead to feelings of inadequacy and fear of falling short.
With such a large audience, actions and statements can quickly become public, which exacerbates fears of making mistakes or being judged by everyone.
Plus we have the not-so-delightful keyboard warriors and trolls, who amplify fears of rejection and confrontation.
When your digital identity becomes a performance in front of thousands of people, fears of being judged are amplified, and an almost constant sense of threat and vulnerability can be created.
Living in a World That Never Powers Down
Combine this with a smartphone and instant messaging, then we find ourselves “always on”...constantly exposed to pressure to respond immediately to our network, making it difficult to disconnect and recharge.
AND …even if we’re not interacting with the social platforms, there’s the 24/7 news cycle and endless stream of updates which can reinforce the sense that the world is more dangerous and chaotic than it truly is…
AND…all the while, we’re exposed to digital media and advertising that bombards us with expectations for our standards in appearance, professional success, and lifestyle - adding further social pressure and more fuel to the fire for any feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness…
AND…all this reliance on digital communication can limit our opportunities for face-to-face interactions so our in-person social skills get rusty and then real-life interactions can feel even more intimidating.
Phew!
I feel like I need to take a breather just after writing that…no wonder our Stone Age brains feel so overwhelmed and anxious.
It’s as if whichever direction we turn we can’t help but have our ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response activated.
Navigating a High-Tech World with Stone Age Instincts
So if you struggle with social anxiety it’s important to remember that our Stone Age brains are doing their absolute best to navigate a world of constant digital exposure that they aren't built for.
Unlike our ancestors, we can feel that we are under the gaze of thousands of strangers online, and the fear of rejection or judgment can develop into an ever-present concern in a world that’s 'always on.
Understanding this can help us approach social anxiety with compassion—both for ourselves and others.
And while our biology evolves on a very different timescale to our technological advancements, our capacity for growth and resilience does have the capacity to keep pace.
If social anxiety is affecting your quality of life, remember that you deserve kindness and support - this is not a character flaw, it is how we are wired.
The good news is that we can combine a compassionate understanding of our evolutionary roots with modern therapeutic tools to help us feel empowered to take back control and start to thrive, not just survive, in this high-tech world.
There are lots of things you can put into place immediately to help yourself, for example:
● Set a daily screen time limit, of no more than 2 hours, to avoid overexposure to social media or the news cycle.
● Commit to taking a digital-free day each week - “Screen Free Sundays” are popular - plan offline activities such as a walk in nature, or a hobby that you’ve been meaning to try out.
● Seek opportunities for face-to-face interactions to help you rebuild your social confidence.
● Try a simple grounding exercise, like the 5-4-3-2-1 method: identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and then take 1 deep breath.
On the occasions that social anxiety feels overwhelming to you, remind yourself that this is the most ancient part of your brain’s way of trying to protect you from something it perceives as dangerous.
Thank it for its effort, and then gently refocus on what truly matters to you in that moment.
And if you’re finding that social anxiety is really getting in the way of you finding meaning and fulfillment in life, then consider reaching out to a therapist who will support you in developing greater confidence and deeper connections.
Therapy options, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are proven to be highly effective for managing social anxiety.
Social anxiety may be part of our biological wiring, but it doesn’t have to define how we live!
Author: Sarah Cosway
Sarah Cosway is a BABCP accredited Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist with over a decade of experience in mental health, both within the NHS and in private practice. She offers tailored CBT in a compassionate, collaborative environment, empowering clients to build resilience and manage their mental well-being with confidence.
References:
Dunbar, R. I. M. (1998). The social brain hypothesis. Evolutionary Anthropology: Issues, News, and Reviews, 6(5), 178-190.
